today i did not wake up in my own bed. i did not get ready in my own bathroom. i did not feed my cats, i did not let my dog out. i did not meet my neighbor at six fifty-five to drive to the train station. i did not stop at my usual coffee shop.

this evening i will not pull into my driveway. i will not put my key in the back door as i have everyday for the last year and a half. i will not be greeted by three small-to-medium sized furballs waiting for their dinner. i will not sit on my front porch sipping wine. i will not cook dinner on my grill. i will not watch the news on my tv while sitting on the couch come six-thirty.

as the week goes on, i will not be putting the trash & recycling out on tuesday. i will not be worried whether or not the fan is on in the bathroom after i shower. i will not empty the dehumidifier in the basement. i will not water the plants. i will not clean the house. it will no longer be my concern when the neighbors are screaming at each other.

yes, today was a shift in my routine, alright.

i have migrated from everything in its own place to my clothes in bags, and whatever breakable items i have wrapped in towels stuffed in laundry baskets because i didn’t have enough time to get boxes and tissue paper.

it’s a nightmare to be this unorganized.

but here’s what i will do.

when i get off the train in about thirty-five minutes i will walk to my car. i will get on route ninety-five south. i will pass by my old exit. i will wind through providence until i come to exit fourteen-a. i will take it. i will end up at my parents house, where all of my bags and towel-wrapped glasses are being stored. i will shower. i will dig for some clothes. i will head out, close the door behind me, and forget for the moment that tomorrow night i have to sort through my belongings.

but i will also keep my head up. i will remind myself that i took a big step in leaving, and that it’s to benefit myself in the long run, in whatever hidden capacity that may be. i will remember that as hard as it may be to believe the cliche saying, it is for the best.

today…. there was a shift in my routine.

but what i did today will become a familiar routine to me soon enough, and take the place of the one my mind & heart seems to be missing.